over-achieved

Lately I’ve been realizing how task-driven the world is--

How task driven I am

Everything is about doing something

Accomplishment is the only scale of value left for humanity

We remember people based on what they did not who they were

Actions do not flow from character, actions now stand-alone

Everyone feels the need to get the best grade and to get into the best program and to leave some kind of stamp on civilization by doing something great

Or maybe that’s just me

My value seems to be inextricably tied up in how much I have done

What acceptance letters have come through my mailbox

Who I have in my address book

Maybe how smart I am

But all smart is these days is the potential to achieve

Every possible chance I get I attempt to “succeed” more

In the hope that this achievement will be the one that knocks me up a peg

Gets me a little more respect

Or standing

Or maybe even salvation?

Or maybe just build my resume so in the future I can accomplish more

Everything is a means to an end

The cycle never stops

And this structure of overcommitted attempts at achievement has lead me to a point

Where I glorify busy with everything I have

If my iCal isn’t booked wall to wall then I’m doing something wrong

Because if I’m busy than I’m needed

If I’m busy than the system can’t run without me

I am important

I am powerful

I am glorified

Achievement brings glory to me

Achievement is a physical reminder to everyone around me of how much better I am

And how much harder I worked

And how much more gifted God made me

So everyone is just living their lives attempting to out-do everyone around them

Competition is constant whether we realize it or not

And anyone who was doing something because they were passion about it is probably already lost in the rat race

If not they will be soon

We treat GPAs and promotions like the works that are going to earn us a place in heaven

But Jesus,

He wasn’t like that.

Jesus didn’t care about tasks, Jesus cared about people

He cared about them, not what they did

He cared about their hearts

And in twelve verses at the start of Matthew five Jesus turned every presupposition of success on its head

There is no blessing for the prosperous, successful, respected person

But there is a blessing for the meek

When He met the woman at the well He didn’t say

“so, uh, can you show me your resume?”

and He didn’t ask Lazarus about his GPA

and He didn’t want to see Nicodemus’s letter of recommendation

Jesus hung out with fishermen

“unschooled, ordinary men” (Acts 4:13)

They didn’t climb any ladder or fill out a single application

Jesus picked them because of who they were not what they did

Jesus was despised and rejected 

Jesus didn’t run on a time schedule

He never said,

“OK, y’all are saved and healed got to run to Galilee now”

Jesus dwelled with people

He wept with people

Jesus didn’t try to people please

He threw around tables and got kicked out of temples

But Jesus did care about people’s actions

Just not in the way we do

He didn’t demand his disciples prove themselves

He begged that they remained in Him

When they asked about the greatest commandment He told them

To love the Lord with everything and to love their neighbors like themselves

He cared that they were rooted in love

Not what gold star they got

Actions rooted in the character of salvation were the only actions that counted

The only ambition Jesus cared about was ambition grounded in the Gospel

And seeking after Him

Every action, moment and accomplishment

Getting to the top didn’t matter unless you were advancing the Kingdom every step of the way

So this is me sitting down and saying

I will not be defined by what I achieve

I will not make the respect of those around me my idol

I will not glorify busy

I will not feel the burden of proving myself

I will not treat what this world values like my only hope at salvation

And man, it’s going to be hard

But I am something so much more than the programs I’m in and the people I know

I am more than what I do

My identity is in Christ

So today I’m taking the first step into not letting it be in anything else.

Comparatively Speaking

"I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139:14, ESV)

When I started trying to write this post, probably back in February, I was at the point where I was amazed by my anatomy classes and how God made the body and how it all works together.

And I still am, but the phrase "fearfully and wonderfully made" has taken on so many many different meanings to me since that time.

I have to be honest with you, for a little bit there, I was stuck in a rut. Same old classes, same old work, same old routine where I spend every moment possible with other people and doing anything to fill my free time because I hate sitting still. 
But in desiring to lose that stillness, I lost my desire to spend time with God everyday, which should always be a red flag.
And it was. The more often things like that happen, the less time it takes me to get to the point where I realize why it is that I'm stuck in a rut. 

The thing that I've been struggling with and that I'm being called to work on right now is comparing myself to other people and trying to be the best I can possibly be in everyone else's eyes. Which gets so tiring and boring and frustrating, because you can never win and you can never let your guard down.

So I've been reading verse after verse and listening to sermon after sermon about "being content in every situation" and "finding your identity in Christ." 
And none of them were actually helping me any.
I mean not in the way that it makes it any easier to apply it to my life. Because once you understand something, you're automatically changed forever. 
Right?

WRONG.

Today was different though. 
Today, I actually found a verse that made me understand my compulsive need to compare myself to other people. It made remembering that God made me different than everyone else for a reason much easier.

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that you might receive adoption as sons. (Galatians 4:4-5)

We are under the law, but not by any choice you've ever made. Its written in your heart and it manifests itself in your mind (Hebrews 10:16). Whether you like it or not, this is the only place your sense of morality comes from.
We were made to be in a divine relationship with our Maker. However, the reality of the situation is that our relationship with God is broken because of our sin.

Enter insecurity.

We constantly compare ourselves to other people because we have an insecurity deep down that comes from the disconnect we have with God. 
We need to fill our lives with being the best at the things we love--even the things we don't love--because we have to fill the void somehow.

So to combat this, we have to constantly be striving to be in God's perfect will and to be spending boatloads of time with Jesus everyday. 
Not thinking about how "I'm supposed to be content, so I'm going to make myself be content."
When you're spending time in God's word like you should be, everything else in your life lines itself up as well. Worries fade away, peace takes the place of confusion and hurt, wounds are healed.

And comparing yourself to other people isn't as tempting because you know that God's plan for their life is completely different than yours but still just as beautiful.