the first semester freshman PSA

this is a PSA.

publicly, I'm serving you this announcement

college is a lot man.

I mean, if you read my last post,

you probably thought:

"Oh man, Hannah is so cool now, doing all of this cool fun exciting stuff. Man, college must be the best most exciting place ever."

but lemme tell you:

I was still all up in that college high.

"college high"

It's a phenomenon I might just write a book about. 
It'll probably win the Nobel Prize or something.

 Cause the first month of college you spend so excited and exhilarated meeting new people and doing cool new things in cool new places without sleeping and your just running and running on 10,000 percent all of the time surrounded by people all the time and man it's just so great and you love school and have all of this fun stuff to do and still get all of your homework done

cause its just doughnuts/longboards/late nights/flirt with all the cute new boys/always wear cute clothes/sign up for everything/man I can totally dodge the freshman fifteen/

WHOOOOOOOOOO YEAH COLLEGEEEEEEEEEEEE YEAH!

and then

you crash.

about a month in.

and you realize finding a church isn't just going to magically happen on the first visit,

and that you can't just drive and go shopping for socks or get chick-fil-a whenever you want,

and that you really just want a bathtub but all you have is a tiny shower,

and that life back home is moving on without you, 

and that you miss the mountains always watching you and the snow, you miss that too,

and that this really isn't so familiar,

and that your whole framework life prerogative is being broken down and questioned,

and that Christian college doesn't make being a Christian any easier,

and that there are people here who like the same things as you and they're better than you at them,

and that classes are actually hard and you actually have to work and study to do well,

and that no one around you really knows you that well just yet,

and that no one back home really knows you that well any more,

and that you just feel kinda placeless.

And you feel this emptiness in your stomach and this ache in the back of your heart you've never felt before

and you realize you're  homesick. 
Big, brave, move-to-the-East-coast-from-Colorado you is homesick. 

so you spend $80 bucks at Target on ritz crackers and chocolate and oatmeal
and then you eat the giant party bag of m&ms you bought in 3 days flat 

and you sit on the floor of your dark dorm room and cry a little 

and you write a seven page long poem, because well I guess you write poetry now

and walk around alone and mopey and it doesn't help that it's foggy outside

and you finally call your mom

but then, after the crash

there's the settling. 

the big deep breathe out.  

aahhhhhhhhhhh

you realize that 

just because you're homesick doesn't mean you're not home.

Just because you're homesick doesn't mean that this isn't exactly where God wants you,

and it's not going to be all crazy college high, 

it might even be really hard

but that's ok. 

and you see a beautiful sunset that might not be plunging into Pikes Peak, but it's still beautiful
and you go through a pad of sticky notes because that's apparently how you like to study

and you drop a pan of half-baked birthday brownies on the dorm kitchen floor and it's hilarious

and you hold hands and pray with girls you don't really know, but you feel true fellowship still the same

and you get questioned in a way that makes you think about your faith anew

and you realize it's ok to not be a leader just yet, it's ok to just be

and you preform a spokenword poem in front of a chapel full of people and its scary, but it's worship you've never quite experienced before

and you get a radio show because you thought a radio show sounded exciting

and you do the things that you never felt like you could do before

and you find these beautiful people who make you feel safe and you want to be around them

and you get pushed out of your comfort zone

and you find yourself in a way you never have before--without makeup and with weaknesses that can be molded into strengths

and you might not be understood yet but you know that you will be and it's worth the wait

and you get a glimpse of a place shifting into focus that just might be yours

and you begin to settle

into the real work
into the New England humidity

into the aftermath of the crash

and it might not be normal but that's ok
it's your life now

and that's all that matters

so you stop thinking about last years and yesterdays and you just think about todays

you keep your eyes locked on the present

and you remember God's purpose and God's plan
and they make you marvel

and they keep you going

and you realize that college is good

maybe not the good you expected

but, oh man, it's good.  

Moved with Compassion...

For a few weeks, I've been struggling to stay motivated in all of my school work. I was feeling like I really just didn't want to do college anymore; I just wanted to leave for Africa; I felt like I was just wasting time where I'm not getting anything done for God. I couldn't come up with a reason why God would give me such a strong passion for this right now other than that He wants me there right now. My heart has been stolen by these people I've never met, and these places I've only seen in pictures and in dreams. Its been consuming my thoughts so much more than it should be. I can't help myself--Godly passion leads to AMAZING things. And this passion in my heart is so sick of being shoved back down inside of me; it pushes harder every time it re-surges. Its as persistent as the voice of the Lord that young Samuel heard when he was living with Priest Eli. And I was stuck here. Waiting. Just like so many people before me.

But this Sunday, I found my passion for nursing. The message was on Mark 1:21-45. Jesus healed people left and right. That's one of the biggest needs of The Kingdom. God's heart for the sick and wounded is so beautifully portrayed in Mark 1:41-44: 

"Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out His hand and touched him. 'I am willing,' He told him. 'Be made clean.' Immediately the disease left him, and he was healed. Then He sternly warned him, sent him away at once, telling him, 'See that you say nothing to anyone; but go and show yourself to the priest, and offer what Moses prescribed for your cleansing, as a testimony to them" (HCSB).

Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out His hand and touched him.--Jesus cared deeply about everyone. These words stir something up in my soul that I just can't explain. They put me on the brink of tears of joy-my Savior loved this leper enough to touch him. He loves me the same way. He comes into my broken life and fixes it up so that I can live up to my potential in Him. He takes away the labels stuck on me by this broken, messed up world. He gives me a second chance.
"See that you say nothing to anyone..."--This was at the beginning of Jesus' ministry. No one really knew who He was, and no one knew what He could do. Yet. This was the beginning of His widespread fame. Those people that had been diagnosed with leprosy-they were unclean. They were unfit to interact with. And here's this man, who broke free of that stereotype. He was healed. He was made whole again. This miracle made people realize how powerful Jesus is. After this, Jesus could hardly even get time alone to spend with His Daddy. They flocked to Him, because there's just something about Him that makes people stop and wonder.
So now I understand that God is calling me to take part in this ministry of healing with His son. He's calling me to change lives. He's calling me to be love to these people that haven't received it because of their physical condition. He's calling me to loose labels by showing my compassion and willingness to breathe life into the sick and the hurting and the wounded.
And that's something that I am incredibly excited about!