the first semester freshman PSA

this is a PSA.

publicly, I'm serving you this announcement

college is a lot man.

I mean, if you read my last post,

you probably thought:

"Oh man, Hannah is so cool now, doing all of this cool fun exciting stuff. Man, college must be the best most exciting place ever."

but lemme tell you:

I was still all up in that college high.

"college high"

It's a phenomenon I might just write a book about. 
It'll probably win the Nobel Prize or something.

 Cause the first month of college you spend so excited and exhilarated meeting new people and doing cool new things in cool new places without sleeping and your just running and running on 10,000 percent all of the time surrounded by people all the time and man it's just so great and you love school and have all of this fun stuff to do and still get all of your homework done

cause its just doughnuts/longboards/late nights/flirt with all the cute new boys/always wear cute clothes/sign up for everything/man I can totally dodge the freshman fifteen/

WHOOOOOOOOOO YEAH COLLEGEEEEEEEEEEEE YEAH!

and then

you crash.

about a month in.

and you realize finding a church isn't just going to magically happen on the first visit,

and that you can't just drive and go shopping for socks or get chick-fil-a whenever you want,

and that you really just want a bathtub but all you have is a tiny shower,

and that life back home is moving on without you, 

and that you miss the mountains always watching you and the snow, you miss that too,

and that this really isn't so familiar,

and that your whole framework life prerogative is being broken down and questioned,

and that Christian college doesn't make being a Christian any easier,

and that there are people here who like the same things as you and they're better than you at them,

and that classes are actually hard and you actually have to work and study to do well,

and that no one around you really knows you that well just yet,

and that no one back home really knows you that well any more,

and that you just feel kinda placeless.

And you feel this emptiness in your stomach and this ache in the back of your heart you've never felt before

and you realize you're  homesick. 
Big, brave, move-to-the-East-coast-from-Colorado you is homesick. 

so you spend $80 bucks at Target on ritz crackers and chocolate and oatmeal
and then you eat the giant party bag of m&ms you bought in 3 days flat 

and you sit on the floor of your dark dorm room and cry a little 

and you write a seven page long poem, because well I guess you write poetry now

and walk around alone and mopey and it doesn't help that it's foggy outside

and you finally call your mom

but then, after the crash

there's the settling. 

the big deep breathe out.  

aahhhhhhhhhhh

you realize that 

just because you're homesick doesn't mean you're not home.

Just because you're homesick doesn't mean that this isn't exactly where God wants you,

and it's not going to be all crazy college high, 

it might even be really hard

but that's ok. 

and you see a beautiful sunset that might not be plunging into Pikes Peak, but it's still beautiful
and you go through a pad of sticky notes because that's apparently how you like to study

and you drop a pan of half-baked birthday brownies on the dorm kitchen floor and it's hilarious

and you hold hands and pray with girls you don't really know, but you feel true fellowship still the same

and you get questioned in a way that makes you think about your faith anew

and you realize it's ok to not be a leader just yet, it's ok to just be

and you preform a spokenword poem in front of a chapel full of people and its scary, but it's worship you've never quite experienced before

and you get a radio show because you thought a radio show sounded exciting

and you do the things that you never felt like you could do before

and you find these beautiful people who make you feel safe and you want to be around them

and you get pushed out of your comfort zone

and you find yourself in a way you never have before--without makeup and with weaknesses that can be molded into strengths

and you might not be understood yet but you know that you will be and it's worth the wait

and you get a glimpse of a place shifting into focus that just might be yours

and you begin to settle

into the real work
into the New England humidity

into the aftermath of the crash

and it might not be normal but that's ok
it's your life now

and that's all that matters

so you stop thinking about last years and yesterdays and you just think about todays

you keep your eyes locked on the present

and you remember God's purpose and God's plan
and they make you marvel

and they keep you going

and you realize that college is good

maybe not the good you expected

but, oh man, it's good.